when two hearts beat as one
by shel
Summary: phoebe's spell to find answers within herself finally heals her heart...
1. part 1

**CHARMED **

**"When Two Hearts Beat as One"**

by shel

© november 2005

_disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating: pg-13_

_summary: phoebe's spell to find answers within herself finally heals her heart…_

_timeline: begins three days after the end of season 8's 'hulkus pocus'…_

_archive: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes: there is reference to s4's 'charmed again', s7's 'seven year witch' and s6's 'legend of sleepy halliwell'…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

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Part One **_

Phoebe stirred on the attic floor and slowly pushed herself up with a groan. The spell'd had more of a punch to it than she'd ever expected. A little dizzy from her movements she rested a moment, arms still straight, palms pressed to the floor, head hung down, eyes closed.

"What the hell kind of backfire was that?"

Phoebe's head snapped back in the direction of the voice she'd heard and she gasped in shock when she came face-to-face with…herself. "Uh oh…"

"The spell wasn't supposed to split me," Phoebe II complained as she stared back at her other self. "And I hope I still have the receipt 'cuz I've got to get rid of this top, the color's all wrong for me. I mean what was I thinking?"

Phoebe automatically looked down at her beige baby-doll blouse. "Billie loved it and since the shopping trip was supposed to cheer her up after her near-death experience the other day, I didn't have the heart to -- Wait a minute, I never told anyone I hated it."

"I'm not anyone," Phoebe II grinned, "I'm you, so my secret's still safe."

Phoebe scrambled to her feet, "I've gotta send you back."

"Back where?" Phoebe II exclaimed.

"Where ever you came from," Phoebe retorted. "Look," she rubbed her temples, "you've gotta be from the future and I'm really not in the mood for another --"

"I'm not from the future," Phoebe II snapped. "I'm you. From right now, well, from at least a few minutes ago. The spell obviously split me and we're not gonna be put back together again until it plays out."

Phoebe placed her hands on her hips with annoyance, "I cast the spell to find within me the answer to my questions about love and moving on. I didn't intend to split myself in two."

"And yet here I am," Phoebe II sighed, "so we may as well get started."

"On what?" Phoebe exclaimed.

"You have questions, I have answers…as simple as that." Phoebe II glared at her confused other self, "C'mon I can't really be that dumb. Don't you get it? I'm your subconscious. The only way you'll learn anything about yourself is by asking me. I won't hide the truth."

"Don't be ridiculous," Phoebe waved the notion away, "if you are me, then you know I don't hide the truth."

"Please," Phoebe II rolled her eyes, "like you didn't hide the truth that you were the one who borrowed Prue's jacket that got peed on?"

"That was a lifetime ago…" And she'd give anything to hear Prue scream at her for her thoughtless deception.

"Fine, how about," Phoebe II challenged, "completely burying the truth that you knew Cole had been taken over by the Source."

"Don't go there," Phoebe softly warned herself.

"What, still ancient history?" Phoebe II glared at her counterpart, "Then what about Dex? Is he recent enough for you? How about the truth that you knew you didn't love him and yet still tried to force a relationship with him simply to get yourself pregnant because you'd seen it in a vision?" Her other self's eyes were glistening and she felt her own heart being squeezed by the painful memories and she admitted, "I know the pain. I've felt it every time. And I know that some wounds are harder to heal than others. My point is that everyone hides things when it comes to protecting themselves. You, I, loved Cole and couldn't handle that he'd gone evil again so it was easier to pretend ignorance and then outrage."

"Enough…" Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut, "Enough…"

But Phoebe II was finally venting all she'd kept inside for so long that she didn't even hear her own request to stop. "And with Dex, God, all I saw was time slipping away and the opportunity for conceiving my daughter becoming less real. It had to be right and I did care about him but --" she abruptly looked up at her counterpart, "Don't you see that we used magic as an excuse to protect our heart and hide from reality?"

"Don't be ridiculous…"

Phoebe II understood her own denial but it was important to make herself see the denial. The spell would only be successful if she could convince herself of some painful truths. "If you would've looked deep within yourself and listened to me, to the warning bells I was sending you, I would've saved you both a lot of pain."

"Are you talking about Dex or about Cole?"

Phoebe II stared at herself for a moment and smiled, "Does it matter?"

"Dex couldn't handle me being a witch," Phoebe meekly commented. "There was no getting around that. I'm sure it would've ended the same no matter when he'd learned the truth, whether I was pregnant or not."

"Maybe," Phoebe II conceded, "but you might've been better prepared for the fall-out."

They were silent for a few moments and Phoebe began to fear that Cole was about to be brought up again into the conversation so she glanced at her watch, "It's late and I've got a staff meeting tomorrow."

"Okay, a good night's sleep's just what I need." Maybe then her other half would be ready to listen.

"Where're you going?"

"To bed," Phoebe II shrugged. "You don't expect me to sleep up here when I've got my own room, do you?"

"You'd think I'd learn not to mess with magic," Phoebe muttered as she threw her hands up in surrender and stomped from the attic.

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"What are you wearing?" Phoebe sputtered when she returned to her room from the bathroom. "I haven't worn that since…Where'd you find it?"

Phoebe II smoothed the burgundy silk nightgown and shrugged, "You know where it's been…in the box on the floor in the closet that you see every time you open the door but no longer see."

Phoebe shook her head and pulled the bedcovers aside, "I am way too tired to deal with riddles."

Phoebe II slid into bed and smiled knowingly as she fluffed her pillow, "Not a riddle, just the truth. The box is there and you see it but you don't acknowledge it so therefore you don't see it. But don't worry," she rolled onto her side, back to her other self, "I'm here to make sure you see it again."

Phoebe stared at the back of her other half and had no clue what to say. If she argued about why it was too painful to open that box from her past, a box she wasn't sure why she even still kept in her room, she'd probably end up strangling herself and that wouldn't be a good idea. "Maybe this's why I drive my sisters nuts," she muttered even as she tried to ignore the chuckle coming from the other side of the bed. Maybe the spell would play out during the night and she'd wake up to find herself whole again. She lay down and pulled the covers up to her chin but it was a long time before she fell asleep.

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	2. part 2

_**Part Two**_

Piper sleepily entered the kitchen and greeted Phoebe who sat at the table. On autopilot, she headed for the stove and grabbed a bowl to begin making some eggs and bumping into Phoebe, she apologized. And then she shrieked and dropped the bowl onto the counter. Two Phoebes!

"Uh, Piper, I can explain," both Phoebes simultaneously said.

Piper closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. When she opened them, she still found identical Phoebes nervously watching her. "I'm listening," she warily announced.

"It's nothing to worry about," Phoebe II assured Piper as she patted her older sister's arm. "It's a harmless spell that'll play out and then I'll be back together again."

Phoebe got up from the table and approached her older sister, "It's okay, Piper, really. It's not personal gain, personal growth, maybe, but that's not a bad thing, is it?"

"I don't know…"

"I created a spell to find some answers that I knew were lying within me." Phoebe smiled sheepishly, "I just didn't expect my subconscious to split off into another real me."

Piper whacked the sister closest to her, "You'd think after eight years you'd've learned that spells never work the way you expect! What kind of answers did you need that Paige or I couldn't give you?"

Phoebe's smile faded instantly, "I need to sort through what happened with Dex."

Piper's tone softened, "I thought you had, Pheebs. I thought you decided that you didn't want to have your little girl without finding love first. And didn't you decide not three days ago that you believed in your premonitions again but that it was still a good idea to take a break from men for a while and concentrate on simply being Phoebe?"

"But the future me in my newest vision only assured me that my little girl will exist. She didn't say with who and, Piper, you know love never sticks with me," Phoebe II somberly commented, "and, if I really want to find love, it's time I acknowledged why or that premonition may never come true."

Piper turned to face her sister's double, "I know it's not easy when a relationship fails but you didn't do anything wrong with Dex and there's no reason to think that the right guy isn't still waiting for you out there. Give it time."

"I've been in denial," Phoebe II maintained. "For too long I've denied what's happened and it's the reason why I've never truly let anyone else in. I have to face the truth or I'll never be whole."

"What are you talking about?" Piper sighed in confusion. "You've had so many intense relationships because you let love in. Why do you think it hurt so much when they ended? You're not denying anything."

Phoebe, who had been intently watching her other self, her subconscious-come-to-life, suddenly stepped back, "You're wrong. This isn't about him."

"Isn't it?" Phoebe II questioned. "Isn't he the real reason you waited so long to tell Jason the truth about who you were? Isn't he the real reason you were afraid to start anything with Dex? Isn't he the real reason you were so attracted to Drake?"

"That isn't fair!" Phoebe snapped. "I saw Drake for who he was and I lov-- You're wrong! And I don't have to stand here and listen to you dredge up the past for no reason!"

"Maybe you do," Piper quietly suggested as she focused on her "original" sister. "You wanted answers from within yourself, Pheebs, and now you're getting them. This is you talking and you have to listen even if you don't want to hear or the spell will never play out."

"Piper…" Phoebe did not like the direction where her sister seemed to be going.

"Sweetie, isn't it the slightest bit possible that you never truly got over Cole?"

"Great," Phoebe muttered, "now you're on her side."

"Of course I'm on her side because she's you and I'm always on your side," Piper patiently insisted. "I know it hurts for you to think about Cole but it's time to deal with the pain you've buried."

"I haven't buried anything." Phoebe folded her arms across her chest in annoyance. "And I'm not in pain anymore over him."

"If that were true then she," Piper indicated to Phoebe II, "wouldn't be standing here right now. She's your mind, Phoebe, your heart. And maybe once you start listening to yourself you'll be able to find love again, real love, a love that will last."

"Jason and Drake were real and I think I'd better get dressed," Phoebe simply said as she turned and left the room.

Piper stared at the sister still left in the room, "I'm not sure we should ever allow you near the Book again."

"Come on, Piper," Phoebe II whined, "I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know," Piper conceded with a sigh, "but I hate seeing you hurt and I know it still hurts to really talk about Cole."

Phoebe II gazed at her older sister and took a chance as she quietly asked, "Is that why you never told us that he was the 'old friend' who helped you in limbo?"

Piper gasped, "How'd you know?"

"Please," Phoebe II rolled her eyes, "the incident had Cole written all over it. Besides, if it'd been anyone else, you'd've told us who it was instead of keeping it secret."

"Why didn't you say anything to me?"

Phoebe II shrugged, "I couldn't. I was in denial…I'm only a subconscious, Piper, it's not like I had control. She buries anything that has to do with Cole."

"She's talked about him," Piper acknowledged, "every now and then. It's like she's no longer afraid to say his name."

"It's a step forward," Phoebe II nodded, "but it's not enough, not yet anyway."

Piper stared at her sister, "This's so strange to talk to you as if you're two different people when you're not."

"Strange for me too and I'm a bit worried at how different it might be when we're back together again."

Piper eyed her, "Anything else you'd like to confess seeing as you're now able to do so on your own?"

"Hey, Piper?"

Phoebe II grinned when they'd heard Paige, "Saved by the bell."

"Hey, Piper, what's wrong with Phoebe?" Paige asked as she entered the kitchen. She did a double-take when she saw Phoebe standing next to Piper, "Uh, Pheebs, I just left you in the hallway, you suddenly learn to orb?"

"Why don't you fill her in," Phoebe II suggested to her older sister, "while I go talk to myself…Literally."

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	3. part 3

_**Part Three**_

Piper stood by the front door with Phoebe, "I really wish you'd call in sick today. You can't ignore the spell."

"Maybe it'll play out while I'm at work," Phoebe shrugged. "Maybe I'll read some letter that'll give me the answers I need and she'll just disappear."

"She won't just disappear," Piper warned, "she'll become a part of you again. A part you'll keep buried and will ignore until your next heartbreak and what happens if that's the one that makes you fall apart and we can't put the pieces back?"

"Gee, Piper, thanks for the encouragement."

"You know what I mean."

"I'm late." Phoebe kissed her sister and assured her, "I'll call you later. Don't worry." But when she stepped out the door, she immediately doubled over in pain and collapsed to the floor and Piper had to drag her back inside. "Hurts…can't breathe…"

Piper managed to slam the door shut with her foot and screamed, "Paige! Paige, get down here!"

"Piper! Phoebe's collapsed!"

"I know!" Piper cradled Phoebe in her lap and looked up when she sensed Paige's orb. "Omigod," she uttered when she found Paige supporting a pale Phoebe II. "What happened?"

Paige practically dragged Phoebe II to the sofa and called for a glass of water that she held to her older sister's mouth. "I don't know," she answered Piper, "one second we were talking and the next she was doubled over."

"Better now," Phoebe weakly told her sister.

Piper carefully helped Phoebe to the sofa and gratefully took from Paige another glass of water. She glanced from one drinking Phoebe to the other and shook her head, "Phoebe, I swear if you ever try something like this again…"

"Maybe Leo has some explanation," Paige quickly said in order to prevent an argument she wasn't sure either Phoebe was up to having.

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"Are you sure you're okay?" Piper asked with more than a little skepticism in her tone. Not ten minutes ago she'd feared she'd lose her sister and now both were acting as if nothing had happened.

"You heard Leo," Phoebe nodded. "We'll be fine as long as we stay together."

"Then I think you'd better start talking now," Paige suggested, "so the spell ends sooner rather than later."

Phoebe shook her head, "There's a staff meeting I can't miss."

"You can't go to work," Piper exclaimed. "You need to stay together, how'll you explain there're two of you?"

With a burst of inspiration, Phoebe II smiled, "She, I won't have to." She snapped her fingers and magically transformed her looks. "Look who's come to visit her beloved cousins."

"Julie Bennett?" Paige questioned. "You can't do that."

"Why not?" Phoebe suddenly grinned. "Not only will it keep us together in the same location but it'll also help keep our cover that Julie and Phoebe are two separate people. It's a great idea, I'm glad I thought of it."

"I suppose it couldn't hurt," Piper grudgingly agreed. "There were more than a few suspicious reporters after we returned from the dead."

Julie/Phoebe II rubbed her hands together, "This could be fun."

"Phoebe…" Piper warned.

"I'll behave," both Phoebes promised before they chuckled at the fact that they spoke again simultaneously. "Call you later to check in…"

Paige watched her sisters leave and worried to an annoyed Piper, "This can't be good…"

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	4. part 4

_**Part Four**_

Piper took Chris from Leo's arms and walked around the bar to pour Leo a glass of water. Chris giggled in her arms from the motions and she kissed him, casting Leo a warm smile.

"Stop worrying," Leo told her. "Turning into Julie was a clever idea and can only help keep your identities safe especially now that Agent Murphy's mad at you."

"He'll get over it," she commented unconcerned. "As soon as he has another unsolvable case or decides to dig into the cold case files again, he'll be back for our help."

"It didn't help that you got so pissy with him," he chastised. "With Darryl on the East Coast now, it couldn't hurt to have someone in law enforcement on your side."

"Henry could come in handy," she grinned. "He likes Paige, you know."

"And she likes him," he agreed, "but Henry's a parole officer and it's not like having Darryl around. And Henry's certainly not as high up on the chain as Agent Murphy."

"All right," Piper rolled her eyes as she set Chris down on the bar, "I'll bring our friendly Homeland Security agent some fresh-baked muffins to 'apologize'…That still isn't what worries me about Phoebe, though."

Leo nodded knowingly, "Cole…you're worried about her subconscious bringing him up." He watched her smile at their son who'd crawled to a bowl of popcorn but he worried that the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "What's been holding Phoebe back all this time has been her inability to find closure with Cole. Sure, she can talk about him now without the anger or the pain but it's still only masking the wound. She simply needs to confront all her feelings for him. All Phoebe needs to do is admit that she still cares about him and the spell will end."

"All she needs to do?" she echoed with a snort. "This is Phoebe, Leo. Nothing is simple when it comes to Phoebe, especially if it concerns Cole. And if she, her subconscious I mean, gets her to admit that she still cares about him, what'll stop her from trying to find a way to bring him back?"

"She won't try since she doesn't know he still exists," he reasoned as he tried to stop Chris from taking the popcorn out of the bowl and making a mess of it on the bar. "You never told her about him being in limbo and she has no reason to suspect it."

"She knows," Piper quietly informed him. "Deep down, she knows. And now that her subconscious is free…"

"So she figured it out. It still doesn't mean she'll try to find him. Besides," he considered, "if Cole didn't approach her on his own when he had the chance while you were in limbo, he won't now. And if she tries to free him, he'll stop her. He's obviously accepted that he doesn't belong here anymore."

"I'm not so sure," she disagreed. "He loves her, Leo. I told you, he wanted to help us but what he really wanted more than anything was to save her. He really truly does love her and I'm afraid that if he thinks there's even the slightest chance that she still loves him…"

Leo grinned as Chris began returning the loose popcorn into the bowl, "He's a neat freak like you."

She glared at him, "I am not a --"

He reached across the bar and interrupted her with a kiss and, satisfied he hadn't lost his touch to silence her, returned to the conversation, "Admit it, Piper, you've always known that, deep down, Phoebe still loves him."

She nodded, "But Phoebe hasn't always known it. And it didn't matter when she believed him to be gone forever but now that her subconscious is a separate entity and knows the truth…"

"You're afraid that's what she's going to learn and that she'll try to find him in limbo," Leo surmised. "But, honey, number one, she'd have to be dying for that and Phoebe isn't the type to commit suicide. And, numbe--"

"It's not suicide if she believes someone will save her at the last minute. Remember how Wyatt saved me?" Piper couldn't stop shivers of fear from running through her. "Phoebe would find a way…"

Leo shook his head, "It still won't change the fact that Cole's in limbo for good. He's gone from her life."

Piper brushed her hand along the top of Chris's head and quietly asked her husband, "And you think that would stop Phoebe from trying? She'd throw the rest of her life away trying."

"If she wanted him back. Knowing she loves him and accepting it is completely different from wanting to be with him," he decided. "All she needs is closure and the opportunity to move on with her life."

"What if moving on means moving on with Cole?"

"Maybe you need to trust Phoebe to figure out that loving someone doesn't mean she's destined to be with him," Leo warily suggested. "Maybe Phoebe just needs to hear that it's okay for her to still love him in order to move on with her life and love someone new."

Piper stiffened with anger, "You're telling me this is my fault? That I didn't support Phoebe enough, that I've been the one holding her back in all her relationships?"

He quickly shook his head, "That's not what I'm saying at all, Piper. All I meant was --"

"Do you have any idea how great it was when I walked into work side-by-side with my cousin Julie?" Phoebe interrupted as she excitedly rushed down the stairs.

Phoebe II took one look at her older sister and Leo and apologized, "Did we interrupt something?"

Piper shot one last glare at Leo before smiling to her sister, "So…pretty cool fooling everyone at work, huh."

Phoebe II grinned, "I must've had four invitations for lunch to catch up on things but I turned 'em all down just so I could spend time with my cousins."

"I think they like you better," Phoebe pouted. "Even Elise was thrilled to see you again."

"Don't be ridiculous," Piper waved her hand, "you're the same person."

"Still," Phoebe suggested as she transformed herself, "I think I'll be Julie when we go back to work."

Leo chuckled and lifted Chris back into his arms, "I think I'll take this little guy to the park while you girls have lunch and talk."

"Incoming demons!" Paige called out when she suddenly orbed into the club with Billie.

Piper barely had time to push Leo towards the back when a demon dressed in black suddenly fired electric bolts at her husband and son. Instinctively, she raised her hands and blew him up as she ducked from a crossfire attack by another identical demon. "Go, Leo!"

Billie launched herself at the attacking demon and managed to stab it with the athame she always carried these days. "That was for this," she sniffed in anger as she glanced down at the red welt in her side.

"Ouch," Phoebe II murmured, "you okay?"

"How about giving us the short version," Julie/Phoebe suggested to her younger sister.

Billie did a double-take and turned back to Paige for an explanation. "How can both Phoebe and Julie be here when they're the same person?"

"I've always wanted a twin," Julie/Phoebe giggled, "and now I've got one."

"Not funny," Piper said as she tried to focus on the problem at hand. "Now, Paige, why'd you bring these demons to my club?"

But Paige was still looking around, "There should be a third one. Billie?"

"Didn't we get him before we came here?" the young collegiate wondered.

Paige shook her head, "I saw him smoke out as I grabbed you." The others began quickly looking around them and just as she was about to explain, she caught sight of smoke smoldering behind Phoebe II. "Phoebe, look out!"

But Phoebe II didn't have time to react before she felt the pain in her back. She locked eyes with her other self but couldn't speak as her knees gave way and she succumbed to the darkness as she fell to the floor.

"I did it," the smoke announced as it took shape before the stunned witches and raised a bloody athame in the air. "I killed a Charmed One! The throne of the Underworld will now be mine!" the demon announced before it smoked out of the room.

Piper snapped out of her daze and tried to blow him up but the smoke had already disappeared. "Oh God…Leo?"

Leo shoved Chris into his wife's arms and knelt by Phoebe II whose back was quickly staining with blood. He shook his head as he looked back at Julie/Phoebe, "She's barely got a pulse."

Piper immediately froze Phoebe II, "I'm not losing another sister. Paige get up there and get an Elder before the Underworld realizes the Charmed Ones aren't broken and come after us."

"No," Julie/Phoebe whispered before she transformed her looks again, "no. We don't have time for Paige to convince an Elder to save me. I have to save myself."

"What're you talking about, Phoebe?" Piper couldn't stop the tears from stinging her eyes. "You're dying!"

"I'm right here," Phoebe argued, even though she felt extremely weak and light-headed, "and I need to bring my subconscious back by merging with her again."

"It could work," Leo agreed, "but to merge with yourself means the spell will have to play out. You'll have to find your answers quickly and be willing to accept them."

"I know," Phoebe nodded.

"I'm so confused," Billie mumbled.

"Pheebs, sit down before you fall down," Piper ordered as she grabbed the closest chair. "Paige, let's get to work and help her write a spell."

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	5. part 5

_**Part Five**_

"Do I have to explain it again?" Phoebe II asked him as they continued to stand three feet away from one another.

"Not everyone is as slow as you and your sisters, I caught on the first time," he assured her with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Still doesn't explain why I'm here. I'm not the part of me that's lost and confused and if this is limbo and not some dream th--"

"Trust me, babe," Cole Turner muttered, "it's not some dream."

"Like I said," she glared at him, "I'm not the part that's lost and confused so I shouldn't be here."

"Maybe you needed a safe place," he grinned, "until the rest of you figured it all out."

"Stop smiling like an idiot," she snapped. "I'm not here because it's safe in your arms."

"You're not in my arms so how would you know," he reminded her as he stepped closer, "but that could change…"

"Will you?" she retorted.

He froze in place and turned serious, "Maybe I already have. Maybe that's why I'm here."

She shook her head and apologized, "This took me by surprise. One minute I'm attacked at P3 by some smoke demon and the next I'm here in this mausoleum with you." Without thinking she completed the distance between them and caressed his cheek, "I am sorry, Cole. I'm sorry for so many things but most of all I'm sorry for letting you down."

Surprised by her actions, he gently pulled her hand away and dropped it, "You didn't."

Phoebe II smiled sadly and watched him turn away from her. "Of course I did or you wouldn't've been so desperate to get me back. You thought I'd abandoned you and in a way I guess I did. But I loved you, Cole, I hope you can believe that. I loved you so much but I was hurt by the evil and I wanted it to go all away."

"You wanted me to go away," he quietly accused with his back to her.

"I was so scared," she admitted with a nod he couldn't see, "scared of you, of myself. I didn't know any other way to heal the wounds." She walked up behind him and placed her hands on his back. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers and she removed them, "I'm sorry, Cole, I told you love wasn't enough but I should've tried harder."

"You tried harder than I had any right to expect," he acknowledged as he slowly turned around. This time, he brought his fingers to her cheek and barely let them trace the contour, "I know you loved me but you were also right. I'd been evil for more than a hundred years, Phoebe, and neither one of us should've expected me to overcome it in a few months with a simple 'I love you.'"

"Sometimes a simple 'I love you' should be all you need," she shrugged as she tried not to lean into his palm.

"Is it?" he hoarsely asked.

Gazing directly into his eyes, she replied without hesitation in a clear voice, "I love you, Cole." And then she chuckled to herself, "If you only knew how good it feels to say that out loud…and to say it directly to you…"

Cole closed his eyes and replayed her words in his head. "If you only knew how good it feels to hear you say it." He smiled as he opened his eyes but it faded quickly, "I love you, Phoebe, but you can't stay here."

She quickly stepped into his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist, "It's out of my hands."

He reluctantly disengaged himself, "You need to live and be happy. You don't belong here."

"I'm not sure you do either," she whispered.

He didn't want to hear where that comment was leading and stated, "I do belong here. Listen to me. For me, for my soul, this is a safe place. There's no evil here, Phoebe, nothing to tempt me or turn me. I can be who I am and I can even help those who find their way here."

"Maybe," she considered, "but maybe after having spent time here, you could do the same if you came back. Maybe with the right support…"

"Stop!" He angrily grabbed her shoulders, "Just stop. I don't need to be saved, not here, not any more. There's no place for me in the world but there is for me here. You have to accept it and move on."

Phoebe II slid her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer as she murmured, "Only with you…"

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"What the hell is going on?" Phoebe angrily hissed when the spell brought her before the frantically making out couple. Anger that he was kissing her other half, anger that her other half was kissing him, and anger at herself for feeling jealous that she wasn't the one in his arms.

Surprised to hear her own voice, Phoebe II jumped in Cole's arms and discovered her other self standing there seething. She glanced back at Cole and realized that he was enjoying the scene but she still didn't quite step free.

"You want her to end the denial," he huskily suggested as his lips trailed kisses along her neck, "let's give her something to really be jealous about."

She couldn't help but laugh even as she pushed him back. She reached up and lightly rubbed his lips with her thumb and smiled when he nipped at it. "My timing wasn't always so great," she sighed before turning away. "You're here which means you've given up on getting a Whitelighter to save me."

Amused no longer, Cole seriously told both, "You need to get the spell to play out and you need to do it fast."

"You think I haven't been trying?" Phoebe shouted at him. "What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead! You're not supposed to be interfering in my life anymore!"

"He's not!" Phoebe II argued. "And the only reason you're here is because you're lost and confused. And the only one holding you back from finding true love is you! Because you can't admit what you really feel!"

"And what is it I really feel," Phoebe ranted, "that I love him? What if I do? What good will ever come of it?"

"You'll be free," Cole quietly told her. "We'll be free."

"You'll be healed," Phoebe II added as she touched her counterpart's arms. "You'll be whole."

"No!" But her refusal didn't seem quite as vehement as Phoebe had intended it to be. "I can't," she shook her head.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Phoebe II patiently continued as she gently squeezed her other half's arms. "You didn't do anything wrong. Loving Cole wasn't, isn't wrong."

"He was evil," Phoebe declared, unable to look at him. "He was evil and I let him into my heart, my family, and we very nearly destroyed everything good in my life."

"You're right," Cole agreed. "And over the course of a century I committed many crimes for which I'm still atoning. But I can't change the past, Phoebe, and I won't be sorry that I loved you not even for you."

"I'm not sorry," Phoebe whispered as tears stung her eyes. "Don't you get it? That's why it hurts! Because I'm not sorry. Because despite all the evil I did love you…And because I still do."

Phoebe II sighed with relief and waited in the silence to be merged once again with her other half. But when nothing happened she looked to Cole, "I don't understand. That should've been enough."

Cole looked from one to the other, "Maybe you need to find more answers. Didn't this all stem from your relationship with Dex?"

"What do you know about him?" Phoebe practically shrieked. "Have you been spying on me? Did you do something to Dex?"

"No," Phoebe II exclaimed and stared at herself in surprise. "No, you knew it was all wrong with Dex. That wasn't Cole at work." Suddenly it all seemed to click into place for her and she said, "Think about it, think about all the confusion and pain. When did it really all start?" She watched her other self slowly glare at Cole and she shook her head in frustration, "Not that pain. C'mon, think about it. Didn't this all start back in the cave? Back two years ago with the first premonition."

"Maybe I was hurt by the split with Jason," Phoebe disagreed, "but I wasn't confused about love."

"No," Phoebe II conceded, "but you did become obsessed with making that premonition a reality. Speed-dating and thinking only of that little girl. Isn't that why it was so important to make it work with Dex?"

"And now Magic School is gone, there is no Utopia, and magic's ruined another relationship," Phoebe quietly concluded. "How can that little girl still be part of my future?"

"You need to take it slow," Cole advised. "Don't force it or you'll only continue changing the premonition. Let love happen and be happy. The rest, your little girl, will come on its own."

Phoebe II agreed, "No more obsessing."

Cole hesitantly reached out to sweep some hair behind Phoebe's ear, "Take it from me, obsessions only lead to more pain."

She gazed into his eyes and apologized, "I think I understand now how desperate you were. To know I loved you but didn't want you in my life…no wonder you…"

He nodded in shame as the memories flooded back, "But the more I tried to make you see you were wrong, the more I only proved you were right."

"So many mistakes," she murmured, "so much pain."

"I'm so --"

"No," she interrupted by placing her fingers to his lips, "no more apologies. I know you were a victim of the Source and I know you did your best, especially when I was pregnant. I know you were torn between the evil and your love for me and I know you would've found some other way if you could."

"I can't believe you finally said that," Phoebe II gasped.

Phoebe didn't take her eyes off Cole when she commented, "Maybe this's the first time I've ever felt safe enough to say so. Maybe it's the first time I can tell you that I…I miss you…" She suddenly sagged against him and she immediately felt his strong arms wrapping around her and supporting her. "And maybe I really did wish at first that Drake had somehow been you come back to life." But before Cole could say anything, she quickly clarified, "I mean I know he wasn't and I accepted him for the demon he was and I cared for him, maybe even loved him, but that had nothing to do with what I felt, what I feel for you."

Cole smiled and caressed her cheek and, from the corner of his eye, realized the other Phoebe was gone. "I guess you have your answers now," he told her as his smile faded and he stepped back.

Phoebe looked around and then down at herself, "I guess so…" Tears stung her eyes as she realized it was time for her to return to P3. "It doesn't feel right leaving you here."

Cole took another two steps back, "It's where I'm meant to be."

She reached out her hand but didn't move closer, "I wish…"

"I know…" He gazed longingly at her but refused to give into his impulse to tell her about her subconscious desire to set him free. She needed to move on with her life and it was enough to know that she still loved him. "Be happy, Phoebe. Live your life and be happy."

888888888888888888888888888


	6. part 6

**_Part Six_**

Phoebe paced in the attic while Piper flipped through the Book of Shadows.

"Pheebs, you need to relax or you won't be any help to Michael," Piper suggested as she indicated to the unconscious body on the sofa. "He needs all of us in top form if we're gonna defeat the Trixel that stole his soul."

Phoebe glanced down at the handsome male witch and couldn't help but smile. She'd only known him a little more than three weeks but it somehow felt so right. "Paige and Billie'll find the book we need, right?" She sat on the edge of the sofa and brushed some of Michael's dark hair from his closed eyes.

"Of course they will." Piper looked up from the Book in time to see her younger sister's smile disappear as Phoebe abruptly stood. She stepped away from the Book to hug her sister from behind. "Cole wouldn't want you to feel guilty for liking Michael."

"I know," Phoebe quietly replied as she leaned her head back against Piper's shoulder. "And I'm not sure I am feeling guilty. I know Cole can't be here and I know there's nothing wrong with me enjoying my time with Michael. And you know I'm doing my best not to even think of that little girl…"

"But…"

"But it's happening again." Phoebe fought the tears and grit her teeth.

"Phoebe?" Piper gently turned her sister around. "Sweetie, what is it?"

"It's happening again," Phoebe uttered in despair. "I relax about love and fate steps in to remind me I don't deserve it."

"That's ridiculous!" Piper exclaimed just as Leo entered the attic. "Leo, tell her she's being ridiculous!"

"You're being ridiculous," he automatically replied without knowing why.

"You're no help," Piper sighed with frustration she shouldn't feel against Leo who'd simply walked into the middle of this unaware. "Phoebe thinks she doesn't deserve love and that's why Michael's soul was taken."

"Phoebe, you had nothing to do with what happened to Michael," Leo stated, hoping his sister-in-law would let go of the guilt. "He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"And he just happens to be involved with me at the time?" Phoebe muttered.

"Do you want to end up in limbo?" Piper snapped. "Get over the guilt, Phoebe, and start believing in love!"

Phoebe was about to answer when Paige orbed in with Billie.

"Did you find the book in Magic School?" Leo asked.

Paige nodded but Piper was more concerned by the tears streaming down Billie's face. "What happened?"

Paige kept her gaze on Phoebe, "We snuck in all right and managed to find the right book with the spell to track the Trixel. But…"

Phoebe cast a nervous glance to Michael's prone body, "But…"

"But we were spotted by a demon," Paige continued, "and pretty soon we were surrounded."

"Billie?" Piper gently prodded.

"I didn't know it was there," the young woman cried.

"The Trixel was part of the group attacking you," Leo guessed.

"I swear, I didn't know!"

Paige patted Billie's shoulder and assured her, "It's okay, honey, there's no way we could've recognized them all."

"It's not okay," Billie shook her head. "We should've realized!"

Phoebe took a step back, closer to Michael, and nervously asked her younger sister, "What happened to the Trixel?"

"We fought our way free by vanquishing anyone in our way," Paige slowly informed her.

"Including the Trixel," Leo realized.

Piper gasped with horror, "Michael's soul…"

"I'm so sorry, Phoebe, I didn't know it was there. You have to believe me," Billie pleaded.

Phoebe didn't hear. All she saw was Michael lying there. She knelt next to him and caressed his cheek, "He's still warm." She spun back to the others, "Maybe that wasn't the right Trixel. Maybe Michael's soul is still --"

Paige interrupted her sister by holding out in her hand a shattered glass orb, "I'm sorry, Pheebs."

"Leo…Leo isn't there anything…"

He sadly shook his head, "I'm sorry, Phoebe, but if his soul was in there, Michael's gone. I'm sorry…" He watched Paige hug Billie and his wife reach for Phoebe. He gave them a moment before he cleared his throat, "There's something you need to do now." Piper turned to him and he announced, "You have to destroy Michael's body." When Phoebe gasped in outrage, he immediately continued, "It's an empty shell now. His soul is gone but his body can still be possessed. And if another Trixel follows the scent…You owe it to Michael not to let evil get his body too."

Billie only cried harder and Paige gently stroked the young woman's back while she looked to her older sister.

Piper nodded and gently pulled Phoebe away from Michael's body. "Why don't you all go downstairs? I can do this myself."

"Come on," Leo suggested to the others, "maybe some time with Wyatt and Chris will help. They're still up."

"Sure," Paige's smile wavered as she began to lead Billie to the door, "nothing like those two little rays of sunshine to cheer anyone up."

"No," Phoebe suddenly said. With everyone's attention focused on her, she repeated, "No. I have a better idea."

Piper immediately figured out her sister's plan and her eyes widened, "You can't do that!"

"Why not?" Phoebe questioned. "Michael's gone. Leo said so. And his body's empty so what's wrong if we --"

"You can't be serious," Paige interrupted as she dropped her hands from Billie's side and strode towards her sister.

"I don't understand," Billie sniffled.

"It would work, wouldn't it?" Phoebe asked Leo with growing excitement.

"In theory," he warily answered. "But you don't know that you can call for his spirit from limbo or that he'll even agree."

"Who?" Billie wondered.

"Phoebe thinks Cole's soul should take over Michael's body," Paige unhappily replied.

"Is he evil?" Billie questioned.

Phoebe glared at Paige who reluctantly admitted, "I guess not."

Billie shrugged, "Then what's wrong? It'll save Michael, well a part of him anyway." She saw the others staring at her in surprise and she explained, "Look, if there's anything I know from hanging out with Michael, it's that he hated the idea of evil winning. And if this Cole is a good guy, then Michael didn't die for nothing and evil didn't win."

"But it won't be Michael," Paige maintained, "it'll be Cole. And we'll be caught up again in his fight against evil."

"Not any more so than your own fight," Leo said. "Technically, Cole will be taking over Michael's body which means he'll --"

"Be a witch," Paige suddenly smirked. Somehow the thought of the demon being reincarnated as a witch amused her.

"There won't be a void," Phoebe whispered as she looked to the others. "He won't be susceptible to evil and he won't --"

"Are you sure about this?" Piper interrupted. "There's no turning back or changing your mind if we do this. He'll be alive and we can't interfere. Are you sure this's what you want?"

"No," Phoebe admitted, "but I owe it to both Michael and Cole to give him this chance."

8888888888888888888888888


	7. part 7

_**Part Seven**_

Phoebe stared at the document displayed on her computer but couldn't bring her fingers to the keyboard. She shook her head in annoyance. It had been six weeks since Cole woke up in the attic in Michael's body. Six weeks since he decided he needed to learn about his new powers and Michael's life. Six weeks since he had walked out of her life without another word. "Where are you, Cole?" she whispered.

She jumped when her phone rang and rolled her eyes when she recognized the number on the display. "Twenty minutes later and I'm still fine, Piper."

"It's been forty and I'm still worried."

"No need to be snippy," Phoebe told her. "Look, I'm sorry I've been moping around but it's kind of annoying that you keep checking in on me like this. I'm not about to do anything stupid like scry for him and I really can't believe you're not even the slightest bit annoyed Cole hasn't even called to let us know he's okay when it took all three of us to bring him back."

"He thanked us, especially by not attacking us, and he needs time to adjust and frankly, Pheebs, I'm surprised at you."

"Why me?" Phoebe honestly wondered.

"Because you found your closure with Cole in limbo and it's past time you moved on. He obviously has."

"I know but…"

"No buts, Pheebs, I know you love him and I know he loves you but sometimes that's not enough. So be grateful for the good feelings you share and let it go."

Phoebe paused and leaned forward on her desk, "I wish I could. I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe I gave Cole the chance for a new life but I shouldn't expect to be included in it."

"I'm sorry it hurts…"

Phoebe smiled even though her sister wasn't there, "I know, sweetie, and I'll be okay...I guess Cole wasn't the only one who needed time to adjust." There was a sudden knock on her door and Phoebe held a hand over the receiver, "It's open." She waved in her assistant and told Piper, "I'd better go, see you later."

"I love you."

"Love you too," Phoebe replied before she hung up. "Okay, wha'd'you have for me?"

"Him…" the young woman happily pointed to the doorway.

Phoebe arched her head to see around her assistant and gasped when she saw him standing in the newsroom. On shaky legs she stood and approached the doorway and stared at Cole. Cole and not Michael. Piper or Paige must've taught him the spell to change his looks. She had so many questions for him not the least of which was why he was there. But all she could do was stare at him.

"He asked me to give you this message."

Phoebe blindly accepted the paper and finally tore her gaze from him to read the note. Her hand shook and, unsure she read it correctly, she read the note again but this time in a whisper, "We've waited long enough. Marry me, Phoebe." She looked back at Cole in confusion.

Cole's heart was pounding in his chest or rather it was Michael's heart that was pounding. But he couldn't let himself think right now about the strangeness of this body, of being alive again. All he could think of was Phoebe and of what she was thinking. And right now he thought she looked confused. His hastily written note was clenched in her hand and all he could think of to say was, "Marry me, Phoebe."

A million questions and doubts ran through her mind but what passed through her lips was a simple, "Yes…" And it took only another moment for her to throw herself into his arms. "Yes," she whispered again as she hugged him tightly.

He inhaled her sweet perfume and clung to her. She'd said yes and there were witnesses to prove it. But he still pushed her back slightly and gazed into her eyes and demanded, "Tell me again."

"Yes, Cole," she insisted as she understood his wariness, "yes, I'll marry you."

"It'll be Michaela," he warned her in a hoarse whisper as he hugged her again. "We owe it to Michael."

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of Cole being the father of her promised little girl. She squeezed her eyes shut before she opened them and pulled back to whisper, "Bringing you back changed things. What if I don't have that little girl now?"

"Then we'll call him Michael," he promised with a growing smile as he saw delight fill her eyes.

Without her empathy, she still believed him. He wanted to marry her and he wanted children with her. "Oh Cole," she uttered as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close for a deeply passionate kiss that she broke only to laugh with happiness when he lifted her off the ground and swung her around.

"I love you, Phoebe Halliwell," Cole declared as he swore inwardly never to take that love for granted ever again. "I won't let it slip away," he murmured as he nuzzled her neck. "I love you."

And Phoebe held him as tightly as she possibly could and promised him amidst all the cheering and applause, "And I love you, Cole Turner, and I always, always, will…"

_**The End**_


End file.
